Yoga

This morning, I just wanted to go to yoga. I bought a Groupon fitness pass - and I know a lot of things on Groupon are hit or miss. But I've been to a few other places with the fitness pass and they were awesome! When I tried to sign up for this yoga class last month, everything was full. So I have been anxiously awaiting this class for a month.
I picked a closer location so that I could bike there when the weather is nice. And I was really looking forward to some awesome yoga.
Here is what happened today: I worked out my shoulders yesterday, so I was really sore. Reaching to get plates from the cupboard weas a struggle. It felt like my shoulder was on fire - and not in a good way. This morning dawned rainy and cold, definitely not biking weather. But that was ok - I would persevere anyway. I put on my yoga pants, got a mat and water bottle and headed for the studio. Things were going to be great, I thought. Very erroneous thought.
As I'm paying for parking, the wind knocks down a sign on the sidewalk which slams into my ankle. OOWW! Why would you do that? Ohmygoodness - shooting pain on my left ankle and leg.
Shake it off, yoga is going to be great. Walk into the studio - the woman in front of me is taking off her shoes. Great sign! I don't like shoes in yoga, so I kick mine off as well. As I walk into the building - there is no one. There is so much incense burning it stings my eyes a bit. Shake it off, it's yoga time. I wait 7 minutes - still no one. The woman who entered before me is in the bathroom and I can hear her peeing from the lobby. This is awkward. Where is everybody? Once the woman emerges, I ask her what I am supposed to do. She grabs a small - Angela looking person in what looks to be a martial arts uniform. She whispers to me that this is not like regular yoga, but is more based on my meridian - not stretching or strengthening muscles. Also there is a lot of 'tapping' or pounding your body with your first or palms. Oookkkaaayy.... But what the heck - let's give this a shot. It could be fun. It's cold outside and I am looking forward to a good sweat.
Enter the room. Where everyone is standing, 'tapping' themselves on the abdomen - (p.s. we didn't do most of the things on the video - it wasn't an 'essential' class) like that's a normal thing to do on a Thursday morning. So I start whacking my belly like everyone else. And I feel weird. Just weird. The whole time. Then everyone takes turns counting out loud. Again, weird. But maybe this is just the warm up? Next is 'intestinal exercises' where I need to focus on my Dong Jung. Not only do I not know what that is, I am also working out my GI tract? Next up some circling exercises. I got this. I can do this. I am comfortable and happy with this. But why aren't we working out yet. This is the longest warm up ever. More pounding ensues, then tapping. Btw if you tap your head and you are a little sore by your right temporal - that's your gall bladder trying to tell you something. If your left hips is sore when 'tapped' that's your spleen. Release the energy! Open your meridian!!!! Breathe with your palms. I couldn't shake the feeling that this was a large scale practical joke. But everyone there seemed dead serious. They even laughed aloud on command (to add vibration energy).
Then they finally lost me. Up until this point I was handling it, albeit uncomfortably. Then - around minute 35, we bent our legs into a slight squat, tilted our hips forward, and raised our hands above our heads. Opening our palms towards the sky we were told to breathe with our palms. Then she told us to get comfortable - we would be here a while. And she wasn't joking. 5-7 minutes later she announces, "Nothing can harm you in this pose. Your body will try to tell you to move, but you don't need to move from this pose. This is a nice position. Stay in this position. By standing still, we are building our energy and being strong. The temptation to move will weaken you." Keep in mind those burning shoulders from earlier. I really thought my arms would light on fire then fall to the earth in ashes. I was done. I snuck out after we finished our death pose and everyone started pounding again. I can legitimately say that that was the most awkward, and weirdest 'workout' of my life, and it was also a huge disappointment. I had scheduled like 10 classes there. What a bummer. I just wanted to go to yoga. A nice, normal planking/warrior/downward dog yoga.